We Need An Expert
by your-face-the-granola-bar
Summary: Jimmy has gone into a comatose state... What will the Idiots do to revive him? REPOPULATE! And if you have to ask why it's rated T, then...*shakes head*


**Another one-shot for Repopulate. Woo hoo! I will officially never catch up to Kady when it comes to number of these things, and I fail for this. Oh well. I have another one-shot coming after this sometime...stay tuned, I guess?  
>Oh, and I suppose I should mention that I don't own AI, Ramen (damn), or MCR (double damn).<br>Or Tony Vincent. Sadface.**

JIMMY: *headbanging in corner*

JOHNNY: *skips up* Hey, Jimmy! Whatcha doin?

JIMMY: *can't hear through headphones*

JOHNNY: *not seeing headphones* Jimmy?

JIMMY: *no response*

JOHNNY: Jiiiimmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy…

JIMMY: *still can't hear*

JOHNNY: Jimmy, Theo is here. THEO. T-H-E-O.

JIMMY: *still headbanging*

JOHNNY: Oh my god! This is serious! He didn't even respond to the threat of Theo!

THEO: I heard my name…

JOHNNY: OH MY GOD GET AWAY YOU STALKER.

THEO: Heh heh heh…

JOHNNY: *looks at Jimmy* I better call the expert. *calls on cell phone* Hey…Will? Hi. I need your help…No, I took a shower yesterday…I think…Wait, no. Well, that's not the problem right now. Jimmy didn't respond to me saying Theo was in the vicinity.

*knock on door*

JOHNNY: Hold on. *opens door to Will* Will?

WILL: Why didn't you say so? This is a serious matter!

JOHNNY: I'm scared, Will.

WILL: Well, did you try and bribe him with beer and TV? That works for me all the time.

JOHNNY: But Will, that's _all_ you do.

WILL: Exactly! It's so enticing, you just can't say no!

JOHNNY: Well, considering that it appears to have caused you to name your couch Margie, let's try it!

WILL: *gets beer from kitchen* Jimmy…Oh, Jimmy…*swings bottle in front of Jimmy's face*

JIMMY: *no response*

JOHNNY: *turns on TV* Look, Jimmy! Television!

JIMMY: *deaf to world*

JOHNNY: OH NO! Will, it didn't work!

WILL: *distracted by TV* Uh huh…bad…no…*pops open beer and plops down on couch*

JOHNNY: *headimaginarydesk* UGHHHH! What do we do?

WILL: Well, we should call the expe-

JOHNNY: DON'T SAY IT!

WILL: Say what? 'Exper-'

JOHNNY: SHHH!

WILL: …Why are you being such a spaz about this?

JOHNNY: Because I already said that when I called you! And since the author has OCD, she can't make _you _say the same thing I did!

WILL: *thinks* True dat. So let's call the more clever and educated one, Tunny. *calls Tunny on cell* Hey man…yeah…y'know, beer and TV…Margie is a normal name, and shh, she'll hear you!...Why I called? Um, let me think…*pause* Oh, yeah. Jimmy is so zoned out that he didn't respond to the threat of Theo.

*knock on door*

WILL: One sec. *opens door and Tunny walks in*

TUNNY: This is serious, guys! Did you try Ramen?

WILL: Why Ramen?

JOHNNY: *cracks up* He…he asks…and he asks…'Why Ramen?'…ah…HAHAHA!

WILL: *frown* Why?

TUNNY: Learn to Youtube, my friend. Oh, and you know, learn about your life.

JOHNNY: Anyway, Tunny, you're educated in life…or whatever. What do we do?

TUNNY: You go boil some water. Will, go buy some Ramen.

WILL: What the hell is Ramen, Tunny?

TUNNY: You seriously don't know what Ramen is?

JOHNNY: Are you for real right now?

WILL: I don't know, did you really just ask if I was for real right now?

JOHNNY: I don't know, are you?

WILL: I don't know, are you?

JOHNNY: Are you?

WILL: Are YOU?

JOHNNY: Am I?

TUNNY: GUYS OH MY GOD SHUT UP THIS IS EVEN MORE CONFUSING THAN INCEPTION.

JOHNNY: Whatsername tried to get me to watch that movie. *shakes head* I haven't been normal since…

WILL: *under breath* You were normal?

JOHNNY: I HEARD THAT! *sob*

TUNNY: SHHH! Do we want a repeat of the events with Christian that scarred Jimmy so thoroughly he slept at Andrew's for a week?

WILL: Yes.

JOHNNY: NO! I was so lonely and so sad!

THEO: *voice singing, invisible* _I am so looooonneeellllyyy and so saaaaaaaaaaad!_

TUNNY: Really? Really, Theo? We've resorted to this?

THEO: *still invisible* It's the best way to relay information!

JOHNNY: *snaps fingers* I'VE GOT IT! Will, you know that State Farm commercial, where the black guy is like, 'This is Ashley' or whatever the fuck her name is, and he goes 'She's just starting out, and she's on a budget. Like a Ramen noodles every night budget,' right?

WILL: …Yeah…

JOHNNY: THAT'S RAMEN!

WILL: OH! Why didn't you just say so? Be right back! *runs out door*

THEO: *still invisible* See, guys? I'm useful! Can I _please_ be part of your secret club now?

TUNNY: Theo, for the last time: It's not a club. We just _happen _to be the main characters, the ones with actual names? Yeah. Like, my real name is Stark/Scott. Johnny is John/Van. And Jimmy is Tony/Billie Joe/Davey/Melissa/Joshua.

JOHNNY: *shudder* Can we not bring up the many Jimmys? None of them loved me but the first one! *sniffle* Wait, which one is this? *points to Jimmy*

TUNNY: Check the hair.

JOHNNY: *checks* EW IT'S THE BILLIE JOE ONE! But that means Tre must be nearby.

TRE: *also invisible* Hey, guys! I'm invisible!

TUNNY: …Anyway, you're just…Theo.

THEO: WHY?

TUNNY: I don't know. Ask Tre.

THEO: Tre, WHY AM I JUST THEO?

TRE: I don't know. Ask Billie Joe.

JOHNNY: *wail* HE CAN'T, BECAUSE HE'S IN THE CORNER IN A COMATOSE STATE!

JIMMY: *still headbanging in corner*

CHRISTIAN: *from bathroom, crying* GLORIA? WHERE ARE YOU, GLORIA?

TUNNY: Here we go…

WILL: *bursts in with bag full of Ramen* RAMEN HAS ARRIVED! *notices Christian crying* Again? WAIT. *looks at Jimmy* No reaction _again_? This is serious!

JOHNNY: I WANT MY JIMMY BACK! THE GOOD ONE!

THEO: *just noticing Christian* CHRISTIAN'S HERE? *becomes visible and runs to bathroom*

*awkward silence*

TRE: Don't mind if I do…*becomes visible and saunters to bathroom*

WILL, TUNNY, AND JOHNNY: *shudder*

TUNNY: Back to business…put the Ramen into this water. *magically poofs water into bowl in his hands*

WILL: *puts Ramen in water* There.

RAMEN: *turns from brick to deliciousness in 30 seconds*

TUNNY: Okay. If this doesn't work, we're screwed. *puts ramen in front of Jimmy* There you go, Jimmy.

JIMMY: *no reaction*

JOHNNY: WE ARE SO SCREWED!

WILL: Not yet! We have one last hope! The smartest of us all, who always gets the three of us out of sticky situations!

JOHNNY: The girls?

WILL: …Well, I was gonna say Andrew, Gerard, and the Favorite Son…but they work too!

TUNNY: *picks up phone and calls Heather* Hey, Heather…Yeah, we're at Saint and Jesus' place…You're with EG and Whatsername? Good…You see, Jimmy is in a comatose state…And EG is an expert…

JOHNNY: *shrieks and faints*

TUNNY: *to Johnny/Will* What…?

WILL: *fanning Johnny* Repetion OCD-induced fainting. *slaps Johnny*

JOHNNY: *gasping fish noise*

TUNNY: *to Heather* Yeah…no, he didn't respond to Ramen.

*knock on door*

JOHNNY: *suddenly no longer dying and excited* Watch! It'll be the girls!

WILL: *opens door*

*enter Mike Dirnt*

TUNNY: …Hi?

JOHNNY: Why are YOU here?

MIKE: I felt unincluded since Billie was here and apparently Tre was too.

TRE: *from bathroom* WOO-HOO!

TUNNY: *to Heather* Okay, bye. *hangs up* They're coming up the stairs now.

MIKE: Can I try and make Billie respond?

JOHNNY: HE'S JIMMY YOU TWAT.

MIKE: That is so clearly Billie.

WILL: DOES IT REALLY MATTER RIGHT NOW?

TUNNY: THAT'S IT! Mike, you go stand in that closet with the other characters that we only bring out when we need!

MIKE: *mopes to closet and joins Gerard, Andrew, Alysha, Favorite Son, Stark, Michael, John, Tony, Joshua, Davey, and Melissa*

JOHNNY: THAT'S WHERE WE'VE BEEN KEEPING JIMMY? *glomps to Tony* OH HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU SO!

TONY: I've been in your closet the whole time I've been gone! Not my fault you're inattentive!

*knock on door*

TUNNY: *opens door*

*girls walk in*

WHATSERNAME: So, what happened?

JOHNNY: *unglomps from Tony* Well, I asked Jimmy what he was doing and he didn't respond even when I said Theo was here so I called Will and he got here really fast and we tried to use beer and TV and that didn't work so we called Tunny and he said to try ramen and did you know that Will didn't know what ramen was? But then we told him and we made some for him and he didn't respond and so then we called you but then Mike walked in so Will sent him to the unused closet and then I found my Jimmy! *reglomps to Tony*

TONY: *looks at Whatsername* Hey, baby.

WHATSERNAME: Not this guy again.

EXTRAORDINARY GIRL: Well, what's he doing?

WILL: Head banging.

TONY: Oh, I can fix that.

JOHNNY: *wide-eyed* You can?

TONY: Psh, sure. This shit is easy peasy pumpkin peasy pumpkin pie, motherfucker. You-

JIMMY: *snaps out of coma state* GERARD WAY.

ALL: *stare*

JIMMY: I mean…uh…who let Jimmy #1 out of the closet? Ha ha…

WILL: *biting back laughter* You have a man crush on Gerard Way?

JIMMY: No…

ALL: *crack up*

JOHNNY: HA HA-WAIT. This means I do too! No! Why, Jimmy, why? Why can't you have the man crush on my Jimmy?

JIMMY: …

EXTRAORDINARY GIRL: *tears of laughter* You…you…ha…Ger-….HAHAHAHA!

JIMMY: FINE! I HAVE A MAN-CRUSH ON GERARD WAY! AND I WAS LISTENING TO MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! FUCK OFF!

ALL: *laugh for a good ten minutes before calming down*

HEATHER: What song was it anyway?

JIMMY: 'You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison'

TUNNY: What the hell does that mean? What is it about?

JIMMY: It's about being very bad…and going to jail…and getting raped in the ass.

ALL: *silence*

TRE AND THEO: *stumble in*

TRE: WHOO!

THEO: That was some crazy stuff!

ALL: *stare*

JIMMY: *eye twitch* Who. Cried?

JOHNNY: …Not me, that's for sure…

HEATHER: How and what you guys do in that bathroom just confuses me.

WHATSERNAME: Only one person could analyze that type of behavior. It's unnatural.

EXTRAORDINARY GIRL: We'd need an expert.

FIN

**Review...or whatever. :)**

**~yftgb, who should really sleep...why do I always end up posting at like one in the morning?**


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